walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
