I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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