Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
