I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
