So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
