also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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