i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
