Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
