am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
