you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You can't just leave with hair like that
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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