that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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