i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
