no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
