Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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