I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
