i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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