I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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