You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
