Your mouth is God's brothel.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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