so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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