i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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