My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
