Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
