What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
