i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
