Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
