Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
