Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im about as happy as oj after his trial
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
