this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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