She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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