Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
