I want to walk on stilts...naked
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
