oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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