We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am naked and annoyed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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