guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
