There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
porn star boner night. come get it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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