I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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