I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
