who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
