I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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