Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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