Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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