Im at strip club and am horny
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
