we're chasing vodka with high fives
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
