That's intense
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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