He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
