Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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