The maid of honor just puked.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
