So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
