just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
be right there i have to get my cape
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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