i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
