He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
