Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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