I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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