Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
