Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
