Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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