I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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