My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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