he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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