I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
