Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
